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Few days ago this came into my mailbox at Loveawake dating service where I work as an editor and blogger:
"I always wondered where the pro-choice is in regard to the man. He gets no choice in the matter. Either he's stuck paying child support or his seed is terminated, generalizing the two extremes. What do you think about pro-choice from a man's perspective when he is within one of those extremes?"
It got me thinking about the choices we make, and why we make them. The reasons seem to boil down to three.
1/ Careful Consideration of the Alternatives
Believe it or not, people actually do do this. Well, sometimes. OK, rarely. Sit down and look at all the alternatives, including emotions and preferences, rationally and calmy before selecting the best option. It is difficult, since you rarely know all the alternatives.
You can usually recognize these people by their "deer in the headlights" gaze as they are completely paralyzed by indecision about anything more complex than picking a sandwich filling.
You can call habit, if you want. For most choices, you quickly refer to your memory of similar situations and pick the first one that comes up as a match. It is a quick and easy way of making most of the simple, day to day choices.
It does have it's down side though; you do not necessarily pick the correct choice, but far too frequently the same decision that messed your whole life up last time round. You then call it bad luck when things fall apart as a result of your choices and wonder why fate hates you. Fate doesn't hate you. Your previous self and memory hates you.
3/ Sheer Stupidity
OK, maybe this heading is harsh, but it can be illustrated by a simple and sexistly phrased test. Look in your closet. How many of the clothes and shoes in there have you rarely or never worn? (Yes, I know, I know. Guys do that too. Why else would I have 4 torque wrenches and a fridge full of food I don't like.)
Choosing on impulse is a killer. The sort of thing that crashes you into debt and 4 kids by the time you are 20. The sort of thing mainly done by the young, as they simply don't have the experience to rely on stubborness to choose, so rely on emotion. And, worse still, impulse choice and the subsequent rationalization can become a habit in it's own right.
In an ideal world, people would take the time to use the first choice technique. They rarely do, unless forced to by a momentous decision, and, even then, impulse and habit will have their shrill say.
The best way to force yourself to analyse a choice is to talk it out with friends and family and listen to what they say. Even if you decide the direct opposite of their advice, at least you have considered their points.
Of course, that depends entirely on the wisdom of your friends and family.
Finally, so as not to leave a lady hanging, my answer to her question, depending heavily on Number 2 up there as it is 4 AM:
A man's duty and obligation as far as abortion choice is concerned is to support his lady in her decision, whatever it may be.
Fair - may not sound it, but hell yes it is. We guys don't have to carry the kid, which has it's own gross out aspects, and are not expected by society to devote years of our lives to raising it at the expense of our own careers and life plans. We got it easy.
So it is woman's choice. Full stop. The guy helps and supports, whatever her decision.
PS - I have not forgotten about the "Spice Up Your Marriage" blog. Research for that is being somewhat difficult. Much like a marriage.
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